Applying Different Forms of Mentorship

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Asking someone to be your mentor is weird.

Walking up to someone and asking, “Will you be my mentor?” has always seemed to me like the adult version of a kid walking up to another kid at a party and asking, “Will you be my friend?”

What you’re really asking is: “Will you commit some amount of unpaid time to guiding my career for an indefinite period?”

Framed that way, of course some people hesitate to say yes.

But formal mentorship isn’t the only way to benefit from the wisdom of those who came before. I’ve never formally asked anyone to mentor me. And yet I’ve had dozens of unofficial mentors.

The Copy-Paste Method

One way to learn from others is by copying what you observe.

Sometimes this means reading books or blogs from engineers you respect and directly applying their ideas to your work.

I’ve also been fortunate to work alongside some extremely talented engineers, and I shamelessly copied the things they did well.

When I meet one of these engineers, I try to figure out what they’re doing differently: How do they approach a problem? What do they read? How do they communicate in meetings? What do they know that I don’t?

Then I steal whatever seems useful and apply it to my own career.

Great artists steal. Engineers should too.

Curiosity Compounds

Still, just observing has its limits. Asking questions can get you even farther.

I’ve asked managers how they approached difficult conversations, and I’ve asked engineers what their process was for solving problems I thought were impossible.

If someone seems unusually knowledgeable: “What are you reading right now?” If I respect someone’s work: “What’s something you think I could do better?”

These aren’t profound questions. They don’t need to be. You get one useful piece of information, apply it, and move on.

And if you don’t work around exceptional engineers, you can still do this. The only real requirement is curiosity. When you encounter something you don’t understand, make it a rule to investigate instead of moving past it.

You don’t need one person willing to guide your career. You need a collection of people who know things you don’t.

Pay attention to them. Ask questions. And shamelessly copy the good parts.

Ask me!

If you have a career question you’re struggling with, like an upcoming decision, a problem at work, an interview, whatever—submit it here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdj_2BZIhrGF__7BCLH33zJ9NMv8C7Vsg9NNusASrYj7-9Idw/viewform. You can include your name or remain anonymous.

I’ll be reading through them and answering some in future articles. Consider it mentorship without the awkward “will you be my mentor?” conversation.

—Brian

ICYMI: The Institute June 2026 issue

IEEE members have a wealth of experience and knowledge to draw from. In the most recent issue of The Institute, several members share their career advice for engineers, from engineers. You can also learn about other IEEE programs and courses.

Read more here.